Admit it: when the first Harry Potter film came out, you wanted to take that trip down Diagon Alley and get yourself a wand at Ollivander's. Who wouldn't, with the many spells you could cast, especially on unknowing muggles (that is, once you're of age to do so!).
So take out your wands (or fine, a chopstick will do), and practice these spells before Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2 opens on July 14!
The "Mind-Reading" Spell. Imagine if you could put a stop all the guesswork when it comes to dating. Does she like me? Does he think I'm fat in this dress? When she said "no", did she really mean "yes but I'm too shy to say it so I'll say no and now you have to keep insisting so I'll say yes?" This spell instantly gives you the knowledge you crave for, but to keep things interesting, you can only use it three times on a person. C'mon, you still have to do some of the hard work in a relationship!
The "Instant Beautify-Me" Spell. Never seem to have enough time to prettify yourself for a date? Who does, what with that fifteen-minute window between commuting home from work and stepping out the door to meet Mr. Right? This spell instantly does your hair and make-up, and even puts together the best ensemble to wear—all in thirty seconds! Boyfriends love this spell too, because it cuts their waiting time by 55 minutes, finally giving them the opportunity to catch the trailers before the movie.
The "Lower the Volume" Spell. There's no need to get frustrated when the wife starts nagging about your comic book collection for the umpteenth time. Whip out your wand and cast this spell, which makes her voice go down a few notches (or make it go away altogether, if you like). Works wonders too when your mother-in-law drops by the house.
The "Instant Replay" Spell. The next time your significant other asks you, "Didn't I tell you to take the trash out yesterday?" make like ESPN and cast the "Instant Replay" spell. This spell allows you to step back in a specific time to verify certain events, so you can tell if she really did tell you to take the trash out or not. This spell can also be used to prove that yes, it was the dog, not you, who made the mess in the kitchen.
The "Perfect Gift" Spell. For those instances when you forgot that it's your anniversary/Valentine's Day/your partner's birthday—use this spell. The "Perfect Gift" spell is like having a personal shopper in your wand. Casting this spell produces exactly that "perfect gift" that your significant other has "always wanted". Imagine her surprise when she unwraps those red patent lace-up booties she saw in the store on the way home from work ("Oh honey, how did you possiblyknow I wanted these!").
The Vanishing Spell. You just had the guys over for pizza and beer and the place is a mess—and guess what? Your wife is coming home in five minutes! Clean up the evidence with The Vanishing Spell, which sends anything you want into a "nothing space". The caster must use this spell with caution, though. Mistakes cannot be undone, and it would be pretty hard to explain to your girlfriend where her annoyingly yappy Chihuahua went while she was out.
The "Break-Up Gently" Spell. Save the "It's not you, it's me" spiel—breaking up is hard to do, and most of the time, it's hard to the find the right words to do so. Using the "Break-Up Gently" spell softens the blow by re-writing your break-up speech to make it sound like you're actually doing the other person a favor by leaving them. The outcome? You got your freedom, and your ex will think you're the most considerate, thoughtful person on the planet.
The "Lobotomy" Spell. When the "Break Up Gently" spell doesn't take effect on the dumpee, the next best thing he or she can do is cast the "Lobotomy" spell. With a wave of your wand, memories of your now-ex will be wiped from your brain, instantly making you forget about that jerk that broke your heart. Use sparingly though, as it could cause early Alzheimer's.
No comments:
Post a Comment